You can порнография детиhave a stress-free, get-away-from-it-all kind of vacation, or you can stay at the forthcoming immersive Star Wars hotel in the Walt Disney World resort in Orlando, Florida. But one thing is increasingly clear: You can't have both.

Disney offered a bunch of new details about the hotel, now known as Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser, at D23, and more details were unveiled at this week's opening of Star Wars Galaxy's Edge in Orlando, Florida. We don't yet have an opening date for Starcruiser, which will be located directly across from the Galaxy's Edge park in Disney's Hollywood Studios.

We also don't have a price; the Disney reps I asked neither confirmed nor refuted a widely-rumored estimate that we're looking at around $1,400 per person for the three-day, two-night experience. (There will be no option to stay for a longer or shorter period of time.)

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That's a lot of galactic credits for a windowless hotel -- well, there are "windows," but they're really screens that give you the impression of being in space. So to make it worth the scratch, the Starcruiser (the conceit is that it's a Chandrilla Star Line tourist ship called the Halcyon) will be stuffed to the gills with Disney cast members playing out a three-day long interactive story involving the ship being boarded by Kylo Ren and the First Order, and a Resistance cell operating under the bad guys' noses.

Other than one trip to Galaxy's Edge via "pod" -- really an underground transport -- there's no leaving the Halcyon. In other words, the Star Wars hotel is like a 60-hour "How to Host a Murder" party where you're not allowed to go home until it's done. The immersion factor seems like it will be fun at first and exhausting in the long run.

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Great for kids, perhaps; not so much for the parents who will have to put their amped-up Resistance operatives to bed twice during the course of the occupation. (Luckily, the ship comes equipped with a brig in which to throw guests that get too out of hand.)

One word in particular struck me with dread during the Orlando presentation: meetings. One Disney executive explained that you would be "invited to secret Resistance meetings" during the course of the voyage.

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Presumably this means checking some kind of space communicator device almost as often as you monitor your smartphone in regular life. Thought you'd left calendar management anxiety back at the office? Think again!

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Indeed, there's much about the Galactic Starcruiser experience that feels more like work than a vacation. After "boarding" the Halcyon at the airport-like entrance -- no word on whether cast members will also be conducting TSA-style pat-downs -- you'll be whisked off to the bridge of the ship, where the crew will conduct a seminar on how to operate the Starcruiser.

This isn't like glossing over your exit-row duties and giving the flight attendant a verbal "yes." You will actually have to operate the ship in a space battle scenario down the line. Staring at a series of unfamiliar screens and trying to grok a long list of instructions under intense pressure. Are we having fun yet?

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Meanwhile, our first images of the transit pod that takes visitors to Black Spire Outpost on the planet Batuu -- a.k.a. the Galaxy's Edge park -- looks very much like a New York subway car by way of Ralph McQuarrie.

True, the Disney pod is less likely to break down in a tunnel under the East River, but you still might be forgiven for wondering whether you've just spent several thousand bucks exchanging your workaday life for the same thing with a space sheen.

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At least one part of the ship will provide a haven for those looking to spice up their vacation with a little scum and villainy: the Silver C Lounge. Here you can sip on a variety of strong adult beverages from around the galaxy, and try your luck at the Sabacc tables. Disney's concept art suggests the lounge will also be filled with cast members dressed as alien creatures, or maybe that's just what regular guests will look like after one too many Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.

Unlike on Disney Cruises that provide an adult-only bar -- indeed, a whole fenced-off area of the ship where children are not allowed to roam -- the company says that Silver C Lounge will be open to "passengers of all ages." Long-suffering parents will just have to hope that their younglings are just too wrapped up in Resistance activities to bother them at the bar.

Or, if all else fails, maybe you can slip a crewmember a couple of credits to throw the kids into the brig.

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Topics Star Wars